Enya do Summerwind - dies tonight

Enya was a beautiful foal.  Her mother passed away
unexpectedly in March 2011.

Little Enya passed away tonight - actually we put her down at the end.

We thought she was getting better up here in Pagosa Springs after the loss of her mother --she was gaining weight and playing more.  And all was fine when we went in for our afternoon break at 2:00 p.m.  However, at 5:00 p.m., we came out to water the gardens.  I said to John - look Enya is laying down in the pasture, that is good to see.  Because she never lays down; she is always eating.

So, when I saw her get up, I started running because I knew something was terribly wrong - she looked very sick.  She walked following the mares, but laid down again as soon as she could.   I ran down the aisle and grabbed a halter.  She came toward me when she saw me coming.  Around her eyes were scrape marks - the signs of thrashing.  I tried to get her up the aisle and into the barn, pulling her and making her walk, but about 3/4 up the aisle she collapsed and would not get up.  Lucky for me, John was outside and I had him bring Banamine and run to the house to call Dwight, our vet and very good friend here.   I could hear them talking about what to do, so I yelled "TELL HIM TO COME!"

She was laying on my legs, but I could keep her from rolling and after about 30 minutes, you could tell that the drug had kicked in.  John and I got her up and into the barn.  She looked like maybe she would make it.  She called strongly to the herd that was still out in the field and was happy to see them come in.  But I knew she had rolled and there was no poop still while we waited for Dwight.

He gave her more drugs when he got there and stitched in a catheter for fluids.  We started hitching up the trailer for the hospital.  It was obvious that was the only choice.  She was a trooper on the trailer.  Even looked alert again (even with all the meds).   I rode with her in the back and John and I had our walkie talkies so we could talk.   But, in the trailer, I talked only to Enya.  I told her how much I loved her and I told her stories of what her life would be like as a beautiful mare when she grew up.  I started telling her that I would give her years from my life, strength from me if she would hold on until we got to surgery.   She did so well in the trailer, balancing herself and the adult horse blanket draped over her making a cute picture.

I felt the drool on my hair as I sat there on the bucket near her.   I started changing my bets.  Isn't this when you make the deals with the devil?  I offered her my life for hers - would 10 years be enough?  I would trade them for you Enya.  HANG ON!

But in the center of Pagosa Springs, she wanted to lay down and I could see in her eyes that she was dying.  At that moment the trailer stopped and the door opened and it was Dwight giving me a flashlight - why he stopped or even thought about that I would need a light to give her more pain meds, I will never know.   But here we all were, stopped on the side of the road.   and he said that she wasn't going to make it.  Her gums were pale and cold, her breathing labored.  Her eyes looked dead.  I told him to go get the injection.

Enya and Audrey Everson - 2 princesses

John is torn up, but I am finding it hard to let go.  He wanted to leave her at Dwight's clinic and we drove there, but I couldn't do it.  I had to bring her home to say goodbyes and have her in a place that she knew.  So we will have to or someone will have to come get her tomorrow. But it's better that she is back home tonight to be with her herd.  Perhaps I will sleep better.

I wish so much that she had lived. 

But in the end, it was not to be.   She was never the same after Chanel died.   I thought at the time it was good that she was older when she was orphaned, but I think now that it was harder on her and that perhaps younger foals adapt better.   To have known love and security, milk and contentment and then to be alone and fending for yourself.    She was a gentle soul.  Someone like DaVinci of Fidalgo would have fought harder.   I wish I could have fought for her.

I don't know yet what this means to me.  I am trying not to make decisions tonight, but I think perhaps Chanel and now Enya, set off a chain of events where at least you sit down and reconsider what it is you are doing and what you want to be doing with your life and why life is worth living.  

I was never blessed with children, but I have been a mother.  The pain is unbearable.